The hidden influences shaping your leadership style

The leadership book “Care to Dare” was recommended to me by my mentor during my transition from an individual contributor UX designer role to Head of UX.

I don’t remember why he recommended it specifically. But the Leadership Roots questionnaire made sense immediately – I had worked under enough leaders to have something to examine.

What the exercise asks

The secure base is “a person, place, goal or object that provides a sense of protection, safety and caring and offers a source of inspiration and energy for daring, exploration, risk taking and seeking challenge.”¹

The questionnaire asks you to identify the people who shaped your self-confidence and leadership approach – from childhood through adulthood.

The questions about self-confidence were the sharpest – they surfaced external signals that had struck a chord and how I had built on them. The exercise also showed where I had expected support and did not get it.

My approach to Leadership Roots

I conducted the exercise by listing people from my early childhood to today, whom I had observed or experienced as leaders.

For each person, I documented their positive and negative behaviors, noting which I had recognized in myself. I marked these behaviors with subjective indicators for whether to develop them further, unlearn, or be mindful. I also noted qualities in others that could inspire my further development.

The initial exercise took 30-45 minutes. I added details later. The writing was quick – the reflections it started were not.

What I found

From childhood, I remembered an adult who habitually smirked in a way that suggested others were ill-informed or inadequate.

I had picked up the same behavior without realizing it. Once I saw the pattern, I dropped it. I knew from the receiving end how it felt.

My godmother was 50 years my senior. She listened without suggesting how I should act. Instead, she shared stories from similar situations and let me draw my own conclusions. I recognized that to reach her level, I needed to “tame my advice monster.”²

Impact on my leadership

The exercise changed how I made decisions. Quick decisions feel like experience. They often skip the thinking that experience is supposed to provide. This became particularly valuable later when I applied game theory principles to navigate complex organizational dynamics and stakeholder relationships.

I also learned to read what people need in different situations: teaching, leading, mentorship, or coaching. Each one asks something different from me.

Some principles came back from every direction: never complain or deflect responsibility, stay honest, stay approachable to the next generation, and never use shame or fear to motivate.

The biggest change was in one-on-ones. I trained myself to move the conversation past daily work problems toward what the person actually wanted to become. That meant changing my own habits first – I had a tendency to dominate conversations and respond immediately with my own views and stories.

The importance of secure bases

The exercise made me see my secure bases clearly.

Secure bases are the people, milestones, or places I return to when things get demanding. I can now feel the tension rise when I lose connection with one.

I’ve also learned to give that same security to others – backing team members explicitly so they feel safe to explore, with accountability attached.

Continuing the journey

“Once you’ve started, you’re halfway there.” – Horace

The one thing I would do differently: repeat the exercise periodically. With more experience, I notice things in other leaders’ behavior I would have missed the first time.

I’ve recommended the exercise to other leaders. Those who’ve tried it say it was revealing. The details stay private – as they should.

The people who shaped your leadership didn’t ask permission. The exercise gives you the chance to decide what you keep.