Your past shaped your leadership long before you knew it.
The leadership book “Care to Dare” was recommended to me by my mentor during my transition from an individual contributor UX designer role to Head of UX.
While I don’t recall the initial motivation for the recommendation, the Leadership Roots questionnaire immediately resonated with me, as I had experienced many leaders and organizations throughout my career. Conducting this kind of introspection seemed intriguing, and ultimately, it proved to be both revealing and valuable for my leadership development.
This reflective exercise became a catalyst for significant growth in my leadership approach.
Understanding the Leadership Roots exercise
The secure base is “a person, place, goal or object that provides a sense of protection, safety and caring and offers a source of inspiration and energy for daring, exploration, risk taking and seeking challenge.”1
The Leadership Roots questionnaire helps identify the influential people who have shaped your self-confidence and leadership approach. The questions revolve around identifying who built your self-confidence, encouraged your potential, and influenced your leadership style from childhood through adulthood.
All questions about self-confidence and self-worth were particularly revealing, highlighting external signals that had struck a chord and how I had used these to continue my development. The exercise also revealed from whom I would have expected more support, but did not receive it.
My approach to Leadership Roots
I conducted the exercise by listing people from my early childhood to today, whom I had observed or experienced as leaders.
For each person, I documented their positive and negative behaviors, noting which I had recognized in myself. I marked these behaviors with subjective indicators for whether to develop them further, unlearn, or be mindful. I also noted qualities in others that could inspire my further development.
The initial exercise took only 30-45 minutes. I added more details later, but the amount of time invested in writing was minor compared to the significant effects and ongoing reflections it prompted.
Revealing insights
One disturbing revelation came from my childhood where I had experienced an adult who habitually smirked in a way that suggested others were ill-informed or inadequate.
I realized I had unconsciously used this behavior in certain situations without recognizing it. After identifying this pattern, I consciously decided to eliminate it, having experienced firsthand how ineffective and disturbing this behavior had been.
One inspiring example came from my godmother, who was 50 years my senior. Her approach to listening without suggesting how I should act, instead sharing relevant stories from similar situations, was an example of mentorship and coaching. I recognized that to reach her level, I needed to “tame my advice monster.”2
Impact on my leadership
After completing the Leadership Roots exercise, I learned to focus on my decision-making process, recognizing that novices often mistakenly view quick decisions as demonstrations of experience and intelligence. This became particularly valuable later when I applied game theory principles to navigate complex organizational dynamics and stakeholder relationships.
I developed the ability to distinguish what others need in different situations, whether teaching, leading, mentorship, or coaching. This helped me define my leadership style and approach, which focuses on encouraging and supporting people’s development.
The exercise reinforced important principles: never complain or deflect responsibility, remain honest and transparent, always be approachable to the next generation of professionals, and avoid using shame and fear as motivational tools.
One of the most significant changes in my leadership approach was how I conducted one-on-one meetings with team members. Having experienced how valuable these interactions can be—and how often they’re wasted — I trained myself to guide conversations from daily work struggles to team members’ self-actualization. This required significant changes to my rooted behaviors, particularly my tendency to dominate conversations and immediately respond with my views and stories.
The importance of secure bases
The Leadership Roots exercise highlighted the importance of secure bases in my development and leadership.
I learned to recognize my secure bases — whether people, project milestones, or places for rejuvenation—and use them to align and balance myself during demanding times. I can now feel tensions rising when I lose connection with my secure base.
I’ve learned to express my backing to team members and peers, giving them the security to explore with appropriate accountability. Trust, hope, and confidence became a central element of my leadership approach, reinforced by insights from the Leadership Roots exercise.
Continuing the journey
“Once you’ve started, you’re halfway there.” – Horace
The only thing I would do differently now is to repeat this exercise periodically. With more experience and evolved working methods, I can now notice more details and nuances in other leaders’ behaviors and mental models, offering new learning opportunities. I can also more readily identify behaviors I should adopt or avoid in my leadership.
While I’ve mentioned this method to other leaders as a valuable introspection tool, I recognize its deeply personal nature. The feedback that those who have tried it have found it revealing, though the details are private.
Your leadership DNA contains contributions from everyone who ever led you—knowing this code gives you the power to rewrite it.
Kohlrieser, George; Goldsworthy, Susan; Coombe, Duncan. Care to Dare: Unleashing Astonishing Potential Through Secure Base Leadership https://georgekohlrieser.com/books/care-to-dare/ ↩︎
Michael Bungay Stanier (MBS). “The Advice Trap” https://www.mbs.works/advice-trap-book/ ↩︎
